I don’t know about you, but I was brought up to be nice to people. It didn’t really matter if I liked them, or if they were not nice to me, being nice was what I was expected to be.
It’s funny, but there isn’t really much guidance about to tell you what ‘being nice’ actually looks like. What are the boundaries? What if nice to one person is horrible to another? What about if being nice to someone, makes me feel bad? Should I change who I am to please others?
This could go on, but it does make you wonder why we are always pushed to be nice and for me, the biggest question is, at what point do you get to say, ‘Well what about me being nice to me?’.
Chances are if you tried this when you were growing up, you would be probably be told not be be arrogant, self centred or something similar.
Funny isn’t it, you have to nice to everyone except the one person who really matters, YOU.
As a result you can go through life putting others ahead of you, not saying what you think or feel, just in case someone ends up not liking you. You hold in resentment, anger or frustration. You could end up depressed or anxious because you are keeping so much in and are so scared that people won’t like you, because after all that is the only reason you are here!
When you finally realise that you don’t need to behave like this, it can take a lot of time to adjust, after all chances are that you have spent years and years doing this. The key is to find out who you are and what makes you happy, what you are prepared to put up with or accept from others and what you aren’t. Then, oh then life can really begin.
I was speaking to a client recently, she is in her mid 50’s and I talked to her about being selfish. I explained that I meant, taking care of herself, saying no and putting herself at the top of there own totem pole. She looked at me slightly open mouthed and said “Can I really do that?”. Seriously, mid 50’s and not aware that it is ok to be the most important person in your own life.
The changes to her life since she took this on board, have been great to see. Mind you, she did tell me the other day that there was a situation she was struggling with and sat down to decide what to do. She said she decided to ‘pull a Karen’. I sat there wondering what on earth that was, but as she carried on talking, basically she took down a bully in a calm, controlled but slightly (verbally) deadly way. Not only was she proud, right so, but I have to admit I quite like the term ‘pulling a Karen’ lol.
Bottom line, yes be nice but only once you are nice to yourself first. Actually scrap that, nice is a rather bland term. Treat others well but put yourself first, be your own cheer leader and if all else fails ‘pull a Karen’.